


Strength Of Hope

by aftermathangel



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 22:11:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aftermathangel/pseuds/aftermathangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Lambert is asked to take on a new case when a 21 year old ends up in the ER sicker than he believes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Want To Meet Him

**Adam**

I was sitting at my desk when there was a knock on the door. I looked up and smiled when I saw Dr. Bruno standing there. I stood up and extended my hand in greeting.

“Hello Dr. Bruno … what can I help you with?”

“Please … call me Todd. Adam can I sit?” I nodded pulling out a chair for him to sit down. He handed me a chart and I let out a sigh. 

“Another one?”

“Yeah … he’s in the ER. He’s only 21 … here in the country by himself. He keeps asking when he can leave he thinks he just has the flu. I brought the results for you to look over but this is definitely your area of expertise.” He handed the chart over and I glanced down at it inspecting his levels. It definitely looked like some kind of leukemia. I sighed and stood up clutching the folder in my hand. “Heading down there?”

“Yeah I want to meet him … talk with him a bit. I want to try to instil hope in him ASAP.”

“Well he does have the State’s top Oncologist on his case so he’s already a step ahead. My shift is over so I’m heading out.”

“I’ll see you Todd.”

Todd walked out of sight and I frowned and started my journey down the winding hallways to the ER. This is what I hated most of all … telling people this awful diagnosis. I got to the doorway of the room and looked inside. There sat this guy with fluffy blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. He was so tiny you wouldn’t think he was already 21 … more like 16. The door was open so I knocked on the doorframe and he looked up giving me a brilliant smile. 

“Hi … who are you?”

I shut the door behind me and walked over toward him extending my hand to shake his. “My name is Dr. Lambert. You must be Sawlee …”

“It’s Sowlee … kinda like cow but with an ‘s’.”

“Sauli … is that right?” He nodded still radiating that wide smile.

“Yes … when can I get out of here? I work tomorrow night and I need to get home to finish laundry and rest it’s already 9pm. I’ve been here 10 hours already.”

“Sauli … we need to talk. Your blood work is extremely abnormal.”

“What do you mean … abnormal?” Fear filled his face and my heart broke for him. 

“You have leukemia Sauli. We’re going to need to start you on Chemo tomorrow.” He just stared at me … he couldn’t speak he was scared out of his mind. “I believe we’ve caught it early so there’s a high chance you’ll be able to overcome this ok? You just gotta be strong. We’re going to keep you overnight and start prepping you. Do you have any questions?”

The friendly bubbly soul that was there when I entered the room was long gone. He just was sitting there an emotionless shell. He shook his head no and I gently rubbed his arm before slowly retreating out of the room. He broke my heart … he had nobody to lean on.


	2. What Was I Going To Do

**Sauli**

I woke up and found myself hooked up to the chemo. I had thought it was a dream but then I remembered that they had wheeled me down for my first treatment. What was I going to do? I had no idea I was this sick and now I was all alone. All my family was back in Finland … they didn’t want anything to do with me. Tears started running down my cheeks and I quickly brushed them away as Dr. Lambert walked over.

“Hi Sauli … I just wanted to come check on you to see how your first treatment is going.”

“I’m ok … I guess. They said I can go home afterward that’s correct right?” I didn’t look him in the eyes instead focusing my attention on fumbling with the hospital band on my wrist. 

“Yes … you just can’t drive. Is there someone that can give you a ride home?”

“No … I take the bus everywhere I go.” 

He grimaced his face for a moment thinking for a moment before speaking. 

“You might want to start wearing masks on the bus. You’re going to be very susceptible to germs. You can get very sick very fast.” The sounds of his beeper interrupted him so he smiled and patted my shoulder. “I have to go … take care ok and if you need anything don’t hesitate to call my office.”

“Thanks Dr. Lambert.”

I rested my head back on the pillow and looked around the infusion room. Everyone else was sitting there with a friend or family member right next to them and there I was alone. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself but I didn’t feel I had the choice. About 4 hours later I was done so they released me. I headed across the highway to the bus stop and barely caught the bus. If I would’ve missed it I would’ve had to wait another 90 minutes in the cold. I shuffled past the first couple of rows and sat down in an empty area. The bus jolted forward and I passed the time sliding my hospital bracelet around my wrist again. The bus arrived in my neighborhood and I got off of it and walked the 5 blocks to my tiny 1 bedroom apartment. I walked inside and snipped off the bracelet before heading into the shower. After getting cleaned up I put on my work uniform … my shift started in 40 minutes. I filed up a thermos of water and walked the 8 minutes to the restaurant. It was a small diner ran by an elderly Italian lady who everyone called Ms. G. She treated everyone like family but at the same time she expected her employees to work. Just a few weeks ago they had promoted me to a full-time server so I finally had medical coverage. Coincidentally that turned out to be a very good thing. I walked inside and she walked up to me with a frustrated look on her face.

“Where were you Sauli? I called you 3 hours ago … I needed you Sarah called off.”

My foot tensed causing me to slide a bit on the floor. “Sorry … I wasn’t home.”

“I know it’s a little early for your shift but do you mind starting now we’re really backed up from being short staffed.”

I nodded and started taking care of the tables that were there getting them their food and drinks and cleaning up the tables as they were abandoned. My shift was from 6pm-6am and the first 4 hours I was hopping. By the time I got my break I was feeling absolutely awful. I sat in the back room clutching my stomach swallowing water in large gulps to try to relieve the awful stinging. My break was over and I got back to work waiting on tables. It started to get busy again and I took a drink order and went to fill up the glasses. I put the glass on the water dispenser and the pain hit again but worse this time. I doubled over tears spilling down my cheeks. Suddenly Ms. G’s voice broke thru the silence. 

“Sauli!! What are you doing!?!” I looked up and noticed that the water had overflowed leaving a huge puddle all over the floor. She sighed and looked up at me. “Go deliver these drinks and clean up this mess. What’s the matter with you? Please don’t slack on me now that I promoted you. Don’t make me regret that decision.”

“I’m … sorry.”

I refilled a fresh water glass and delivered the tray to the table. When I got back in the back I grabbed a towel and bent over. When I did I thought I was going to be sick. What the hell was I going to do? I was this sick and it was only after 1 day. Not soon enough 6am came and I was finally allowed to leave. Somehow I managed to walk the 8 minutes home and as soon as I got in the door I ran to the bathroom where I proceeded to throw up for the next 20 minutes. After I just curled up on the bed and cried the tears continuously spilling down my cheeks. I was not looking forward to starting all this again in 11 hours.


	3. Completely Broken

**Adam**

I sat at home with Sauli’s chart examining the changes from his first test to now. He had 7 rounds of chemo already and he was completely broken. I could barely get him to speak anymore. When I had seen him the day before he had started to lose his hair which threw him into a whole other depressive spiral. It was already 11:30pm but I couldn’t sleep. I decided to head down to the local diner to get something to eat since I had just gotten home a half hour before. Not even 8 minutes later I walked inside and sat at a booth by the door. I started looking at the menu and a moment later a server walked over. I looked up and saw that it was Sauli and he completely looked like death. 

“Sauli … you look awful. Why are you working like this?” He went to answer me but threw up his arm and ran into the backroom. He worried me greatly, he was not doing well. A couple other tables came in and they were starting to get annoyed because there was only the one girl there serving. I could tell she was getting flustered and she disappeared into the back calling for Sauli. A moment later he returned shaking slightly with bright red flushed cheeks. He walked over to my table and I just stared into his eyes. “Sauli … what’s wrong?”

“I’m … I’m ok. What do you … want to drink?” His face turned ghost white and I managed to catch him before he passed out. I got the other server to call another person in to work and draped wet rags over Sauli’s forehead. I knew that this was just from being overworked and dehydrated on top of doing too much after the chemo. Why was he still pushing himself this way? He started to stir and found himself in the passenger seat of my car. I had carried him out there so that people wouldn’t be staring at him. “What … happened?"

“You passed out. You shouldn’t be working like that after a treatment … it’s not good for you. You need to just relax and take it easy.”

“You don’t understand … I CAN’T. I have no money … no family … nothing of value. If I don’t work I don’t have insurance. As it is I have to … pay for my prescriptions. Couldn’t pay rent …” He looked downward his hands clasped together in anxiousness. 

“Let me take you home. What’s your address?”

Immediately he panicked quickly shaking his head. “No … no that’s ok … I can walk.”

“Please … let me do this for you Sauli … I don’t want you walking the way you are right now.”

He looked at me with scared sad eyes and let out a pained sigh. “1383 4th St … it’s downtown.” He just slumped down in his seat as I drove the 15 minutes downtown. I got to 4th street and when we got toward a brown building Sauli grabbed my arm. “This is it … thank you.”

It was then I noticed that it was the homeless shelter. He didn’t belong there … too many people and WAY too many germs. I gently grabbed his arm and he turned toward me.  
“I have an extra room at my place. I could give you your infusions right there.”

“Why?” 

“What do you mean?” I looked at him confused and after a moment he bit at his lip before answering. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because you deserve it … this is a hard thing you’re going thru. Nobody should have to go thru it alone … nobody.”

Tears splashed his cheeks and I found myself gently hugging him. He rested his head on my shoulder and just cried. I felt awful for this sweetie … he didn’t deserve such a shit life. He gently pulled away and got comfortable in the seat again giving me a small smile. There was something about him that intrigued me … he was so adorable.


	4. Perfectly Normal Reaction

**Sauli**

I was snuggled up in bed getting my chemo treatment. Adam, as I had taken to calling Dr. Lambert at his request, was at work but he had hired a nurse for me. He was also taking care of all my medical bills … he was a god send. I ended up falling back asleep after my treatment was done. This bed was pretty much THE most comfortable thing on the planet to sleep on. It was pretty much heaven. I was woken up to Adam gently feeling my forehead to check for fever. I sleepily opened my eyes and he smiled.

“Hey … how are you feeling?”

I yawned stretching a bit. “Ok … just a little sleepy.”

“I brought you home some Italian Wedding soup. You feel up to eating?”

“Yeah … thanks.”

“Of course.”

He handed me the soup container and smiled at me before walking out of the room. I couldn’t help but check out his ass as he left … damn those pants made it look sexy. I could feel myself falling for him more and more and it killed me. I certainly didn’t want to tell him I was gay that was the last thing I’d want him to know. It was the reason my parents kicked me out and would be a surefire way to lose this amazing housing opportunity. He wasn’t making me pay 1 cent to live there. Although I did sometimes clean around the house a bit and do the dishes. I also sometimes cooked if I felt well enough which hadn’t been very often especially lately. This chemo was making me feel just plain awful. I finished eating and decided to take the bowl into the kitchen to wash and put it away. When I walked in there I stopped dead in my tracks. There was Adam standing at the sink in just his sweats hair dripping wet from a shower. God damn … he was fucking sexy and I couldn’t help but stare at the outline of his cock. He noticed I was in the room and I quickly broke my glance stammering over my words.

“Uhhh … I-I was coming here to … wash this. Sorry …”

“What are you sorry about? It’s ok.” He reached out his hand to take the bowl and he took it from me. Just the touch of his hand sent shivers down my spine in my current state. Suddenly he giggled at me and turned toward the sink to start washing the bowl. I hurried out of the room and then I realized why he was giggling. I had a HUGE lump in my jeans. I walked in my room and shut the door behind me burying myself under the blankets my face a deep crimson. I blew it … I blew everything. About 10 minutes later there was a knock on the door and then it opened. I heard footsteps coming toward the bed and then hands pulled the blankets off my face. I looked up and realized that it was Adam. My face blushed bright red again and he giggled. “No need to be embarrassed Sauli. It’s ok … it’s a perfectly normal reaction.” He leaned down and gently kissed my forehead before sitting on the edge of the bed. He gently slid a hand under the blanket until he found my rock hard cock. He gently rubbed it with his hand causing me to let out a slight moan. He smiled and gently caressed my cheek. “You should be happy … chemo kills a lot of people’s libido.”

I was an utter mess just staring into his eyes. I had fallen … and fallen hard. He leaned down and kissed me. I groaned and continued allowing him to slip his tongue in my mouth. God it felt amazing it was like a dream. I raked my hands on the flesh of his back enjoying the feeling of his bare skin under my fingertips. He gently pulled away and smiled at me.

“Damn …” I mumbled totally and completely lost in a feeling of nirvana. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that. Want me to take care of your little problem?” I nodded fiercely as he pulled back the blankets. He gently slid down my jeans and underwear exposing myself to him. “Mmm … so handsome Sauli. So very handsome indeed.”

He leaned down and tenderly took me in his mouth. God it was the most amazing feeling in the world and it took every ounce of my strength to not explode immediately. Even so it only took 5 minutes before I cried out him swallowing every last drop. It was already 9pm and I was exhausted, so after kissing my lips tenderly he got up to leave. 

“Adam?” He stopped in his tracks turning toward me waiting to hear whatever it was I wanted to say. “Can you … stay here? I’d really like that.”

He didn’t answer me, just walked over with a smile and laid down lovingly snuggling me up against him. He reached over and turned off the light before gently kissing my forehead. 

“Goodnight sunshine …” 

“Sunshine?” I chuckled brushing my hair back from my face with my fingers. 

“Yeah … you have this glow about you when you smile Sauli. It’s like the sun. You’re something special and if your family can’t see that they they’re the ones who are missing out. You sleep … you need to get a good night’s rest for once. I don’t have work tomorrow so we’ll sleep in and then I’ll make you some breakfast ok?” 

I sleepily snuggled closer to Adam and finally zonked out my arm wrapped across his chest.


	5. I'd Never Leave You

**Adam**

I walked down the cold hallway for the umpteenth time in the past 3 weeks. Before entering, I stopped at the doorway lathering my hands up with hand sanitizer using my elbow to push in the door sensor. As I entered the room I could hear the slow beeping of machines … it sounded both like heaven and hell. As annoying at they were it proved one thing … he was alive. I walked over to the bedside and lovingly caressed Sauli’s perfect cheek. His eyes fluttered open and he gave me the biggest smile he could muster. It was barely an upturn of the corners of his mouth but I didn’t care.

“Hi … Adam.”

“Hi baby … I heard you ate a little of my soup today.”

“Yeah … few mouthfuls.” He had been unable to eat at all so hearing that he was even able to get a few bites down was a huge milestone.

“That’s good baby … I’m so proud of you.” I kissed his forehead to feel he was still burning up. I frowned and reached over to the basin on the nightstand bringing an ice cold cloth over to rest on his forehead. “That better?”

“Umm hmmm …” Tears spilled down his cheeks and my heart broke in two.

“No baby … don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”

“I just … want you to … hold me.” There was nothing in the world I wanted to do more than hold him but I just couldn’t. It was so hard to tell him no. 

“I know baby … soon I’ll be able to. You’re such a fighter Sauli … my strong fighter. You are my hero sunshine.” I ran my fingers through his hair until he dozed off again. My poor baby he looked so frail and delicate. It killed me to see him in here like this but he needed the bone marrow transplant. It was the only option we were left with seeing as the chemo alone wasn’t doing the trick. The doctor that was taking care of Sauli walked in the room and shook my hand. “How is he doing?”

“His blood counts are going up. I just wish this fever would start going down it was 104.8 when we just checked it. He’s still so weak all the time.”

“Did you try an ice bath? I had that work with other patients of mine. There’s the tub in here.” As much as I didn’t want to suggest it, we needed to get his temp down it was way too high. 

“Adam if you feel that it will help it’s your call. I’ll go get the ice.”

I walked back over to the bed and soon they brought in ice and got the bathtub filled up. They left the room and I checked his temperature it was now 105.7. I unhooked his lines and gently lifted him into my arms. I sat there a moment as he snuggled against me in his sleep. I hated knowing I was going to have to do this to him. He sleepily opened his eyes and looked up at me placing a kiss on my cheek.

“You’re … holding me.” He noticed tear marks on my cheeks and his face scrunched up. “What’s … wrong?"

“Your fever is really high … 105.7. I have to give you an ice bath and it kills me to think about doing this to you.”

“I’ll be … ok. You’ll stay … with me?” His eyes grew huge and he tensed a bit but as soon as I nodded he relaxed a bit and his breathing slowed. 

“Of course … I’d never leave you.” I gently carried him over to the tub and slowly lowered him into the brutally cold water. He cried out and I just held his hand my own submerged as well. “I know baby … just a few more minutes.” An agonizing 5 minutes later I gently pulled him out and got him dried and dressed. He was still shivering so I reconnected his lines and held him in the rocking chair in the room. “I’m so sorry I had to do that sunshine … are you ok?”

“I am now that you’re … holding me.”

“You stay here baby … I won’t let anything happen to you.”

He gently rested his head on my chest listening to the thumping of my heartbeat before finally dozing off peacefully snuggled against me. I took his temperature … 100.3 and relaxed allowing myself to rest as well.


	6. Thank You For Being There

**Sauli**

I was snuggled up in our bed Adam’s head resting on my stomach. I gently ran my fingers thru his fluffy mane and he soon woke and stretched back out yawning. 

“Such a sleepy baby Ad.”

“Good morning to you sunshine. You’re up early.”

I giggled gently smacking him with a pillow. “Adam … it’s already 1:30pm.” He propped himself up staring at the clock in disbelief. 

“Damn …”

I rolled onto his chest lovingly covering it with kisses. I moved up to his neck and kissed the sweet spot on his neck which made a little moan escape his mouth. I stopped and smiled at him as he looked at me with his gorgeous blue eyes shining. 

“Adam …”

“What Sauli?”

“Thank you for being here for me … I don’t think I would’ve been able to get thru everything I did if I didn’t have you. I love you Adam.”

“I love you Sauli … always.”

“You’re off tonight … right?”

He raised an eyebrow questioningly trying to figure what I was getting at. “Yeah unless I get called in for surgery.”

“Well in that case. I want to make you a nice dinner. How about you stay snuggled up in here and I’ll go take care of everything. Just have a nice lazy day today alright?”

“You don’t have to Sauli …” I put my hand on his arm to halt his protest and kissed his forehead. 

“I know … but I want to. It’s the least I can do now that I’m feeling better.”

“But you don’t owe me anything I …” 

“Hush … you just stay comfy right here baby.”

I smiled at him and slowly left the room dragging my fingertips down his chest as I walked past. I went downstairs and started making tilapia and mashed potatoes with an herb butter sauce. Then I made chocolate mousse for dessert. While it was finishing cooking I headed to the corner liquor store and bought a fancy bottle of wine to go with dinner. As soon as the fish finished I put everything on a tray and carried it into the bedroom. Adam was sitting up in bed reading a book on his iPad. He looked up at me and smiled sniffing the air.

“Something smells AMAZING.”

“Tilapia and mashed potatoes with an herb butter sauce. Some red wine for accompaniment.”

“You’ve outdone yourself again.” I sat down bringing the tray down with me and loaded up a fork with fish dangling it at his mouth. He giggled and took it slowly chewing it to fully enjoy the flavors. “It is absolutely delicious babe … wow.”

After he finished eating he put the tray on the nightstand and pulled me on top of him kissing me fiercely. God damn it felt so good. 

“I made dessert too … chocolate mousse.” 

“Damn … I thought you’d be my dessert.” 

“Well … that might be able to be arranged.” I dragged my fingers from his neck straight down to below his bellybutton. He gave me a seductive smirk and flipped me so he was on top. We had never had sex so I was a bit nervous where this was heading. He leaned upward sliding off my shirt before sliding his off as well. He slowly slid off his jeans leaving his underwear on the thin fabric clinging to his ripped flesh. He looked at me and slowly slid off my jeans as well sliding down mouthing me thru my underwear. I gasped and held his head down so he could continue. He giggled humming against my cock as I moaned. “Fuck soo good baby … dammit.”

He leaned up staring me in the eyes. “Are you up for more? I mean … are you ready? I just don’t want to force you.”

“No, it’s ok I’m ready.” He reached down and slid off my underwear gently running his fingers across my inner thighs. I sighed and kissed at his chest nibbling at his flesh. He got up and went into the bathroom getting a tube of lube. He applied some to the outside of my entrance and I groaned. “It’s cold!”

He giggled recapping the tube. “It’ll warm up baby … just give it a minute.”

Slowly he inserted a finger inside me as I moaned … it felt so different but AMAZING. After stretching me for a while he lubed himself up and started inserting himself inside me.   
“Ahhhh fuckkk ….”

He immediately stopped moving afraid that he had hurt me. “You ok?"

“Yeah … wow fuck you’re ... big.” My eyes were lust glazed and I gasped as he slipped in the rest of the way. He slowly started thrusting and I moaned in pain and pleasure. God dammit he knew what he was doing. I reached around grabbing at his ass which caused him to moan out as well. 

“Ahhhh babyyyy!!!” He came inside me and pulled out finishing me off in no time flat. Exhausted I curled up on him his chest heaving with every breath.   
“Was that … good?”

“So … good baby. Amazing … thank you.” I gently reached around him rubbing his back lovingly until he relaxed. He snuggled and I kissed his nose. “Ready for the chocolate mousse now?”

“Sure …” 

He giggled at me and started biting at my neck playfully.

“You are … amazing. You know that right? I’ll be right back.”

I kissed his forehead and walked into the kitchen. I was gathering the mousse when Adam came downstairs fully dressed. I looked and sighed as I realized he had been called into surgery.

“Sorry baby … I don’t know when I’ll be home. Don’t wait up for me ok?”

“Want to take some mousse to eat on the way?”

“No that’s ok … just leave it in the fridge I’ll eat it when I come home. Thank you for the amazing night … I love you.”

“And I love you.”

I gave him a hug and quick kiss before he left. I plopped down on the couch and snuggled into the oversize cushions relaxing myself completely. I was woken up about 6am when Adam walked in. I looked up and saw that his hair was a mess and tears were streaming down his face. I immediately sat up in concern. Adam didn’t realize I was out there so he looked at me with a sad face.

“I’m sorry … I didn’t mean to wake you.” He sniffled and reached up wiping away all the tears. 

“Adam … what happened?!? He walked over and sat next to me allowing me to wrap my arms around him. He rested his head on my shoulder and just started sobbing. 

“We … lost my patient. She was only 4 years old. I had to tell her mother she … was gone. I know I’m not supposed to let it affect me but I just can’t help it when it’s a little kid …” I just held him as he snuggled close. He finally calmed down enough and sat up.

“You wanna try to go get some sleep?”

“No … not tired yet. 

“Want me to go get your mousse?”

“That sounds … lovely.”


	7. Forever A Part Of Me

**Adam**

I sat on the grassy hill enjoying the warm weather with my husband and best friend next to me. 

“I can’t believe it’s been 3 years today since we said I do. It seems like it was just yesterday. I’ll never forget how you were so nervous. I thought you were going to pass out from it all. You are everything to me then … and now. I never want you to forget that sunshine … ever.”

The sun came out from behind a cloud and shone down on the spot. I sighed and found a slight smile coming to my face. I reached out and touched the smooth stone. I couldn’t believe that this was all that was left of the love of my life … a giant rock above ground with his name etched on it and bones underneath. It was heartbreaking to even think about. It has been a 2 and ½ years to the day that he’d been gone. He passed the morning of what was exactly 6 months to the date of our wedding. The last 3 months were the worst months of my life. I had taken a leave of absence from work and stayed at home with him. The last 2 weeks were the worst. He just laid in bed shaking from awful nightmares. He was completely out of it and most of the time didn’t even know I was there. The morning he passed he had opened his eyes and said my name for the first time in those 2 weeks. He had tried to sit up and at his request I picked him up as he curled tightly into my arms in the rocking chair. That’s where he breathed his last breath. I didn’t want him to suffer like that any longer. I knew that I was blessed to have had him in my life the brief time I had. I found a box in the closet with a letter on top he wrote me when he knew it wouldn’t be long. Every time I came to the cemetery I brought it with and read it out loud. I don’t know why I did I guess it just made me feel closer to him in a way. I reached into my pocket and retrieved the folded up piece of paper and started to read. 

_I don’t know how to say goodbye. It’s something I hoped I would never have to do. I’ve never been good at them but it didn’t really matter before because nobody cared when I left. Now this time it couldn’t be more different. My perfect gorgeous husband … how I love you so much. I would tell you that a million times if I could just so you’d never forget it. I hope that what’s inside this box helps. I will never leave you … I will always be here. Whenever you’re lonely just look to the sky and I’ll shine for you. I owe my life to you Adam Mitchel Lambert … you gave me strength and more importantly you gave me hope. I want you to take that hope and make a life for yourself. You follow your dreams and don’t let anybody stop you. You are so special baby you are a hero … you’re MY hero. So I will not say goodbye I will just say goodnight. Till we meet again my beautiful Adam …_

_Your Sunshine  
Sauli_

I wiped the tears that fell from my eyes and leaned down and kissed the warm stone.

“I love you baby …”

I drove back to the house and walked upstairs and opened the closet door. I pulled out the box that the letter had been on and opened it like I had so many times before. It in was a stuffed dog wearing a leather studded jacket and leather jeans. I brought him to my nose and inhaled. He had enclosed a scent pouch of his cologne so he always smelled like Sauli. I hesitated a moment and pushed the button on his paw. Smiling as Sauli’s voice echoed out of the dog. 

_“I love you Adam … you are my world Addy.”_

I took a deep breath and with one last snuggle of the dog placed him back in the box in the closet. I wanted to preserve him for as long as possible so I only brought him out on days I was having a absolutely horrific time or on special occasions such as this. I would always have my sunshine close though … he was forever a part of me no matter what. There was no way I would ever forget him.


End file.
